Monthly Archives: July 2011

On being witnessed: A Request

me and Nico, photographed by Tracey Clark, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

I’m always amazed at what my life looks like through someone else’s lens. It is such a rare gift to be photographed, especially when a friend can do it so beautifully. I see things I hadn’t witnessed before- how big our smiles were, how sweet our connection, how Nico’s foot curves to the right and his widow’s peak curves to the left, how all the colors in the room were conspiring to make a perfect patchwork of beauty.

Nico, Manzanita, OR, by Tracey Clark, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

And in the spirit of being witnessed, I’d like to ask for a gift from you. Yes you! Especially if you have been around for a while, reading my blog over the years, sticking by me through all the trials and joys and searches for what’s real. I believe the wisdom is in the room. In this room. And it would be an honor if you would answer some questions for me! (I have a secret project abrew and would love your input)

You can email them to me here: [email protected]
1. What do you think is my greatest strength?
2. If I was a billboard, what would be my message?
3. What have you learned from me?
4. Have I inspired anything in you? and if so, what is it?
5. What would you like more of?

I ask these questions humbly and with so much respect for you, for this community. I’m always blown away by the caliber of people I have here. Big love and thanks!

couldn’t have said it better myself…

Ben’s voice might be the sweetest possible thing*

purple flowers in the neighborhood, with my new lens, Canon Digital Rebel XSi
I recorded this short audio while Ben was singing on one of our walks. We might have to play it at his wedding.

Turn on the f*cking faucet, my new mantra

Feeling free, photo by my friend Kelly Rae Roberts, Manzanita, OR, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

I have been writing myself notes these days. I tape them on my computer, simple little mantras I need to remember. I think of it as a subliminal message or a subtle reprogramming of my brain. The first index card said this:

“You can want what you want” (That stayed up for months)
The next one said, “There is plenty of time. One thing at a time.” (I highly recommend that one)
My newest sign says, “Turn on the f*cking faucet!”

This is shorthand for: Stop holding back sister! The time is now. Let it pour out… There is a way that I can be tentative, inhibited, afraid to write/say/create something that is less than perfect. Of course, it’s always less than perfect… It simply is what it is. But this fear makes me stutter and stop, express myself less and paralyze myself more. I want to give myself permission to simply create, without so much concern, without trimming and whittling down at every turn.

I want to edit less and say more.
Use my voice without as much reservation and concern.
Stop trying to craft that perfect thing and simply create.
I want to feel free.
Can you relate?

What is your mantra? What do you need to tell yourself? Grab an index card and write it down. Tape it on your computer and let us know what it is in the comments.

The Heart of Things: 10 Things I am Learning this Summer

the heart of a daisy, Berkeley, CA, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

1. I am learning how to use my voice. To trust my heart, my knowing, and my ability to manifest. I am learning I am more powerful than I realized. I am learning about turning towards love and not away from it.

2. I am learning to look deeply into things and to allow the truth to be discovered slowly and in layers. I am learning a new kind of patience and restraint, to allow things to reveal themselves, to let the waters still, the cloudiness to go away.

3. I am learning that when you are aligned with your true purpose you are delighted and energized, filled up and lifted up, even when you are working hard. Even when you are exhausted.

4. I am learning that the wisdom is in the room, that every single person has their piece to share, that if our ears are open we can learn something really important from everyone. I am learning that we can’t do it all alone.

5. I am learning to trust the mess. The disasters, the implosions, the spectacular-ness of conflict. Sometimes it is the only way to wake you up, to get your attention, call you to create something new.

6. I am learning that because I will be 40 this year, flying onto a bed like a superhero can be both exhilerating, delightful and also require chiropractic care afterwards. Totally worth it, by the way.

7. I am learning that I am surrounded by people who genuinely love me, see me and adore me.

8. I have learned that thinking is overrated, that I’ve been up in my head for too long and bringing things back into my body has been the greatest gift I’ve given myself in a long time. I have learned that making things with my hands, taking photos with my camera, walking, dancing, bicycling… are my surefire ways into joy.

9. I am learning that my path to contentment will be in simply following the truth of my hearts’ delights and letting myself be carried from there.

10. This one is for you. What are you learning?

I am exactly this excited.

Me and Ben, self-portrait, Canon Digital Rebel XSi
About the first session of Superhero Photo beginning today! There is still room to join if some part of your heart is whispering yes.

Have a _________ day

Have a day of brilliance, a day when it all comes together. Have a day where you wake up, finally, after years in a fog. Have a day where everywhere you go people smile at you, inexplicably.

Have a day of sunshine, but not too bright or glare-y or requiring sunglasses. Have a day of still air and no shadows. Have a day that is like the magic hour all day long.

Have an Agfa 50 day. This is a film I used to use that made the blue of the sky and the magenta of a popsicle look so juicy it was almost blinding.

Have a day where you feel fabulous. Where you feel hotter than ever before. Have a day when you just know you are sparkling, emanating something magic. People stare.

Have a really awesome day. And when I say this, I mean an unforgettable day, like something so great happened you will be talking about it for years. You will be saying, “Remember that day?!”

Have the best day ever. I mean it.

Have a day, and at the end, or even while it is happening, shout, “THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!”

Have the best day ever.

*This piece was inspired by the poem of the same name.

Ben’s awesome, ginormous new shoes

Ben's awesome new shoes, shot with Canon Xsi

I remember getting new shoes as a kid, Zips, and being SO excited that I slept in them. Ben grinned when I told him that story and nodded in agreement, like, yeah mom, you totally get me! Nevermind that these hand-me-downs from his cousin are several sizes too big. He is happy as can be.

Happy fourth everybody!

Wishing you all kinds of fireworks and joy…