For all the ways I am excited about this new baby arriving, I am terrified in a myriad of other ways. Will he be healthy? How will the birth go? What will this do to my nearly 40 year old body? Do I have it in me to not sleep through the night for another three years? Will we be able to pull this off financially? Will I have the time and resources to run my business? These are only some of the things that keep me up at night.
In the midst of a particularly low day yesterday (this pregnancy has been super emotional, with very tender lows and lots of tears) I prayed and prayed for angels to come in and help me out, give me clarity, help me think the right thoughts, assure me that I am loved.
And nothing happened.
Until today.
While on errands this morning, as I scrounged around for spare change in my purse to feed a parking meter, I found this fortune (pictured above) instead. “Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you.”
I pulled out my phone at looked at today’s date: July 29th.
My due date is October 29th, exactly three months from today.
(I have no idea how this fortune landed in my purse.)
Tears sprang to my eyes. Okay, universe, angels, god, whoever you are. I understand. You’ve got me. And that’s all I need to know…
As part of my commitment to Dream Lab this summer, I have been taking my sabbath time really seriously. By sabbath, I don’t mean a traditional religious sabbath, but more a conscious practice of rest, of turning off the gadgets, of getting outside, of crawling into bed when my body needs it. I have been taking the opportunity of this pregnancy to rest more, to play more and to have a real summer. It has been an enormous gift. I didn’t realize the deficit of fun I was experiencing until I consciously stopped, got off the treadmill, and heard what my spirit needed most. (Turns out what I needed most was to play, to see friends, to share meals with people I love.)
“Our culture invariably supposes that action and accomplishment is better than rest, that doing something-anything-is better than doing nothing. Because of our desire to succeed, to meet these ever-growing expectations, we do not rest. Because we do not rest, we lose our way. We miss the compass points that would show us where to go, we bypass the nourishment that would give us succor. We miss the quiet that would give us wisdom. We miss the joy and love born of effortless delight. Poisoned by this hypnotic belief that good things come only through unceasing determination and tireless effort, we can never truly rest. And for want of rest, our lives are in danger.”
– Wayne Muller, from his gorgeous book Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives
I will be leaving in a couple of days for my annual Lovebomb trip to the Oregon coast. I can’t think of a better place for rest and play than the beach… And if you are in Dream Lab, Jen and I will be sending transmissions from there!
This video is part of an incredible project called I Believe She’s Amazing. You can read more here and add someone you love to the list of amazing women you know. You might need Kleenex for this one.
