Monthly Archives: October 2013

The courage to believe there is room for everybody.

Launching this course was a huge act of courage for me.

I had been designing the curriculum for Cultivating Courage last year and was getting really excited about the idea of a 30 day courage challenge. One day I googled “30 days of courage” (what I was originally going to call the class) to see if anyone was doing something similar. I was shocked to discover that not only was someone already doing a course by that name, but it was someone I knew! Someone in my creative circle who I have always adored and admired – Marianne Elliott. Crap! I thought.

While we hiked the following week (she happened to be visiting the bay area from New Zealand) I brought it up: “Marianne, you won’t believe this, but I have been creating a curriculum for a class about courage and just discovered that you already launched one! I would never want you to think I was copying you.”

She laughed. “That is hilarious! Kate Swoboda just emailed me about the same thing. She is launching a 30 days of courage class also!”

My heart sank. Another person in our circle offering a 30 days of courage class as well?! This was getting to be a bummer. And I was launching last, I thought. It was going to look like I copied.

Even though Marianne was relaxed about it, I was catastrophizing back at my desk.

  • They’ll probably do it better than me.
  • Look at Marianne. She was a UN peacekeeper in Afghanistan! What do I know about courage?
  • Kate’s whole website is about courage. Maybe this is her terrain and not mine.
  • They’re going to think I’m copying.
  • I have nothing unique to say.I suck. I should just quit.
And then I got a note from Marianne.
She said: “I’ve had friends totally freak out when they see someone else doing something similar to what they are doing – either because they assume they are being copied (which I think is very rarely the case) or because they think they’ll be competing.
 
I’d love to find another path through this, I think it’s magical that you and Kate and I are all in the same space geographically at the moment so we can meet in person and talk about it. And I really do think there is some powerful learning in here, learning worth sharing once we get there.”

And that’s when I had a revelation — that there was an opportunity for us to decide, collectively, that there was room for all of us. That we didn’t have to compete but could support each other instead.

I was nervous when I got to the restaurant. We chatted about life in general for a long time, then I shyly brought up the courage courses. We each took turns describing what our courses were like and we started to see what I sincerely hoped was true — that we each had our own unique voice. That our approaches were different. That there was no way anyone else’s course could be like mine, because I am the one writing it!

I also remembered that I have my people and they have theirs. And that our people wanted us. They wanted our voice, not somebody else’s.

In the midst of this conversation, I also remembered my first art wound. I was in the 4th grade and we were told to write an essay about something we were afraid of. The teacher gave the example of being afraid to drive Highway 17, a dangerous highway near our home where people had accidents regularly. I have the same fear! I thought. What a coincidence! And so I wrote about that.

The next day she held up my paper in front of the class and read the first paragraph. “What’s wrong with this paper?” she boomed.

“She copied you!” the kids shouted.

“What grade do you think this student should get?”

“An F!” the kids yelled.

I was aghast. And crushed. And humiliated. And wanted to die.

To this day, I am deeply afraid of anyone thinking I have copied them. I try hard to be unique in everything I do and feel horrified (the same horror as that day) if anyone says my work is like someone else’s. I was careful to not even read the sales pages for Marianne or Kate’s courses lest I inadvertently be influenced in some way by what they were creating. Crazy, right? This wound has held me back in countless ways, often paralyzing me even before beginning. (Why bother? Other people have already said it or said it better) 

As I shared this with Marianne and Kate, I could feel a new layer of that story was being healed, right there at the restaurant. We actively decided that we would not compete with each other, but would be allies instead. We decided to be examples of a different way through. That instead of feeling threatened by each other, we would choose to support + celebrate each other’s work. 

In a world where we are all vulnerable to the comparison game, the not-enough game, the there’s-no-room-for-me game, this felt like such a sweet victory.

In the end, I decided to change the title of the course to Cultivating Courage (hooray!) so as to not create confusion. This felt good and right. The whole process though was, you guessed it! an exercise in courage:

  • Courage to keep going anyway.
  • Courage to keep writing in the face of my very active gremlins.
  • Courage to trust myself-trust that I had something to say and would say it in my own unique way.
  • Courage to believe that there was room for everybody.

I’m so glad I did. This course has been such a bright spot in my life.

This is one of the many stories in the Cultivating Courage course. I would be so honored if you would join me!

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The next session begins on Monday, November 4th, 2013. Cost is $79

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When I exercise my courage muscles I feel alive.

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If you were the bravest version of yourself, what would be possible?

Our creative superpowers are like muscles we can strengthen. When we flex our courage, we are rewarded with aliveness. As we build our capacity to be brave, we discover our confidence and our mojo. We trust ourselves more. The world opens up to us in new ways.
In this course, we will do one small thing every day that feels brave. No heroic feats of courage necessary, just simple, everyday courage! Things like:

  • Making the phone call
  • Smiling at a stranger
  • Asking for help
  • Trying something new

Our edges will be different. What requires courage for me will be a piece of cake for  you. For some of us, going to a movie or restaurant by ourselves will be an edge, for others, trying yoga or throwing a party would be a bold move. You get to decide what your bold moves will be.

The way the class works is simple:

-Every day for 30 days, you make one conscious, brave choice.
-Record your brave move in your Courage Diary
-Tell us about your brave move + join in the discussions in the private discussion area

Daily drops of encouragement will come right to your inbox as our 30 days unfold. You will receive:

  • Stories from Jen Louden, Julie Daley, Laurie Wagner, Alexandra Franzen + other Superhero readers who responded to the call for courage stories.
  • Lessons in courage.
  • Dares. Juicy ones. Totally optional. Think of them as courage prompts, ways to be brave that can support your journey.
  • A Courage Interview for you to fill out
    A Ways to Be Brave poster
    A Courage Diary to record your brave moves over our 30 days together

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Better together

You will have access to a warm, private community reporting on their brave moves each day. This space will encourage you + inspire you during your 30 days (and beyond!)

As we build our capacity to be brave (in small, everyday ways) we prepare ourselves for the bigger leaps we are asked to take in our lives. When that moment arrives, we will be more fit for the job. We will feel stronger and more confident. We will have practiced.

The next session begins on Monday, November 4th, 2013. Cost is $79

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“Andrea has taught me so much about the power of intuition and the importance of being present. There’s amazing clarity in the way she communicates vulnerability and joy in her stories and in her photography – it’s the best kind of truth-telling.” – Brené Brown, Author of Daring Greatly

Interview with Lisa Byrne about Self-Care for Mamas.

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Self-care isn’t just bubble baths + mani-pedis.

Listen in as I chat with Lisa Byrne about self care for mamas. The real kind. The practice of self-care. Enjoy!

“How do I craft my life so I can show up in the best ways possible? It’s a practice. And what I mean by a practice, is that it’s something that you keep showing up to. By showing up to it, it’s actually changing who you are becoming.” Lisa Byrne

Click here to listen to the interview

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Lisa Grace Byrne is a mother to three and founder of WellGroundedLife.com.  She has a big-hearted vision of a world where every mom is well-equipped to do the tremendous work of mothering from a healthy, whole and supported place.

She is the author of Replenish: Experience Radiant Calm and True Vitality in Your Everyday Life.  Lisa also speaks, coaches and teaches moms worldwide through her online courses and workshops.

Lisa has a degree from Cal Poly State University in Biochemistry with an emphasis in Nutrition and Metabolism. She holds a Masters in Public Health from Boston University and is a Certified Holistic Health Counselor.

She lives in New Jersey with her husband, children and 100 pound yellow lab.

Opening the Creative Channel

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Andrea + Laurie Wagner

When circles of women get together, they go deep.

And the last two weekends were no exception.

My dear friend (+ writing teacher) Laurie Wagner and I just held 2 weekend workshops in a row called Opening the Creative Channel. There were 18 of us each weekend telling stories, writing, painting, connecting. It was gorgeous + powerful.

After the first Saturday though, Laurie and I got a little worried. There were a lot of tears… more than we expected! And we wondered to each other-  Is this what they came for? Is it too intense? Are we too intense? 

But this is where we had to trust in our own creative process. It was such a great lesson to allow what was actually there be there and keep creating, keep trusting, knowing that there were no mistakes.

And then morning came and when we all gathered it was like a gorgeous storm had come and washed the streets clean. The air felt different and we all felt energized. Beautifully cleansing.

Most of the women in the room were parents of small children, and something occurred to me as I witnessed each woman drop down into themselves – there is so much unprocessed trauma in a mama’s life. There is so much we don’t get to grieve. There is so much we don’t get to feel. So when we have a chance to step away and drop down into ourselves, there is often a tender layer right there, just aching to be felt.

Just holding that was such an honor and a gift.

When Laurie and I came together to create these workshops, we realized we share something in common – we collect practices.

Practices that open us up.
Practices that allow us to hear the sound of our own music.
Practices that allow for whatever wants to come through, come through.

Writing practices, storytelling practices, gratitude practices, courage practices. They are all ways in. They are all ways to find your voice, your aliveness, your joy. They are all ways to wake up.

Some highlights from our weekends were:

1. Having the sweetest, easiest collaboration with Laurie.
2. Painting. Painting. Painting. Turns out painting makes me come alive more than anything else. (So easy to forget)
3. Meeting so many amazing women. Each unique + beautiful + tender + brave + real.
4. Our special guest, Alexandra Franzen who came by + did a mini workshop with us on how to write the best damn thank you note ever. The kind that makes you cry happy tears.
5. A fabulous photo walk with 18 women in Alameda. We were like the paparazzi.

We are already planning another retreat for 2014, so let me know if you are interested. We are dreaming of Taos + Hawaii. [email protected]

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On our photo walk

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Opening the Creative Channel, Weekend 2

My money memoir

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Dear Superheroes,

I’ve just bared my soul about something tremendously personal: money!

It’s part of the Money Memoirs Series: a free, month-long gathering for healing and truth-telling about money, hosted by my dear friend and colleague, Bari Tessler Linden. Bari is a financial therapist who leads a year-long global money school, The Art of Money.

For the entire month of October, Bari has invited some of her favorite people to share the tender truth about their own money stories. We’re bringing our money stories out into the light. To spread a message of healing, un-shaming, and love, and to create a sacred doorway into the opening of her year long Art of Money program, which will happen in the middle of the Money Memoirs month.

Click through to Bari’s blog to hear my Money Memoir: my triumphs and challenges, how money has affected my relationships and career, and what I’ve learned from it all.

I hope hearing my story will inspire your own honest and loving un-shaming about money. And, I hope you’ll join me in celebrating everyone who shares their stories with Bari, the entire month of October. Please join us for this intimate gathering as we bring healing, humanity, and empowerment to our money relationships. Click right this way to hear my Money Memoir.

Having a little love affair with Facebook.

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I never thought I would say this, but I’ve been LOVING Facebook and posting quite a bit over there.

I found my groove over there + having fun!

Head on over there and friend me so we can hang out.

https://www.facebook.com/andrea.scher

 

 

When did you get the call to service?

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She handed me the note at recess.

I was 10 years old, a tiny wisp of a 5th grader. She was quiet and bookish, friendly, but with few friends.

I read the note when I got to class and felt sick – she told me that she had to reach out to somebody, that I seemed like the right person to reach out to, that I might understand. She told me that her father was abusing her. That she didn’t know what to do.

I crumpled up the note and threw it in the bottom of my backpack. I wanted it as far away from me as possible. I was angry, confused, horrified -Why are you giving me this?? I thought. I never spoke to her about it and was afraid to look her in the eyes again. I didn’t want to be the keeper of her secret.

I remembered this story last year when I attended a workshop with Rachel Naomi Remen called A Life of Service. Most of the folks in the room were medical professionals, nurses, social workers and the like.

“When did you get the call to service?” she asked.

For some, it was when they were five years old and a friend killed a beetle right in front of their eyes while they looked on in horror. For others, it was when they saw someone suffer in their lives, or discovered an injustice.

For me, it was this moment in the 5th grade.
This moment of turning my back.
This moment of not being ready to face my own darkness.

This memory has haunted me, but it has also guided the course of my life, precisely because I didn’t do the right thing.

She sensed she could trust me, that I was the right person, that I was a safe person to tell.

And she was right. I was exactly the right person. I just wasn’t ready yet.

At our 20 year reunion (years ago now) I wanted to reach out to her so badly. She arrived with an infant strapped to her body and she positively glowed. She was beautiful, confident, 3 kids in tow and a handsome, kind husband. I wanted to whisk her to the side and say, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I turned my back on you. But I was getting sick that night and I was afraid to get too close to the baby and all that I could eek out was a hello…

In my work now, I see my fierce commitment to sharing the truth, to being vulnerable and telling our stories. I wish I could go back and tell her, Yes, yes, me too. And maybe neither of us would have felt alone.

But this is not a story of regret.

It’s a story of gratitude- for I have spent my life becoming the person she sensed I was all those years ago.

 

Ready to feel more joy? Class starts Monday.

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Just a quick little note to remind you that Start a Foolish Project begins Monday!

If you were inspired by the wish tree and suspect you have a foolish project inside of you, please join me!

The course is full of great conversations with: Alexandra Franzen, Hannah Marcotti, Jessica Swift, Matthew Passmore, Maya Stein + many others. Plus, live group coaching with me.

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Kind words from participants in our last session:

I have gotten so much from this experience and the idea of foolish projects. Turns out, a foolish project is not at all foolish but like the most divine thing. -Moyra Scott, Foolish project: The Secret Salad Society

All of this foolishness has given me great courage in pursuing my dreams! I’m looking forward to the next course –Anna Doogan

I saw a new performer sing the Cup Song on stage and her vulnerability made me cry. When a friend’s 10 year old daughter, showed me that she had learned it, I asked her to teach it to me for my Foolish Project with Andrea… I had never sung in front of anyone other than my singing teacher… but doing it for Molly made me brave.  It was pure joy. I’m craving more of that. -Denese Bottrell, Foolish project: The Cup Song
This was so inspiring! I felt like I really found my community. It was validating and emotional to have my ideas and whims greeted with such enthusiasm and support. I learned how much creative energy I have to give to the world and how needed it is! Thank you Andrea, for this amazing course! I can’t wait for the next session. -Anna
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More details here.
Or you can register here.