Apple green leaves, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

So I finally figured it out on Monday. As much as I thought this baby would arrive early like Ben, despite the fact that I have been having contractions for weeks, despite the fact that I am already dilated, effaced and mentally ready for this adventure, it’s still not up to me! ha!

On Monday I had the following thought: What if I knew he was arriving in say, four days? What would I do with these four precious days ahead of me? Matt and I are both unplugged from work, we are home, Ben is in school… When do we ever get this quiet time together?

So in this sacred, limbo space we have been walking in the woods, hanging art in our house, finishing up projects we never feel like we can get to, getting manicures, going out to brunch. It has been so sweet and such a gift. And I just found out yesterday that this boy finally turned from posterior to a perfect side-lying position! which should save me a lot of pain and suffering on the other side. That alone was worth waiting for.

I still have my moments where I can’t stand to be uncomfortable one second longer, where I get anxious about how big he is getting or how we’ll finally get him out, but mostly I am chilled out and enjoying the crisp, sunny days over here. I can feel this sacred bonus time, how it’s buzzing with energy, anticipation, and togetherness. How I feel held by so many people who are thinking about us right now and holding us in their hearts.

It’s really, really good.

Tomorrow is 40 weeks. Thanks for holding us so close.

Self-portrait, 38 weeks, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

This Friday will be 39 weeks, which was when Ben was born. Not to get too attached of course, but I can’t really imagine going past 39 this time either. So I’m preparing over here, filling my hospital bag with coconut water and other treats I might want in labor.

Too exhausted to write, but wanted to keep you all posted. Oh, and since you are all full of fabulous advice, I’ve totally forgotten how to pack a bag for the hospital. Does anyone have any hot tips?

Practicing for their band photo.

hot pink dahlia, Berkeley, CA, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

I’ll admit. I was a bit of a curmudgeon during our Indian summer heat waves here in Berkeley over the last few weeks. I am 37 weeks pregnant and my body is like an incinerator. I can’t even sleep next to my husband anymore! I’ve taken to sleeping out in the converted garage with all the windows and doors open and sometimes a fan going as well. If there weren’t so many raccoons in the neighborhood, I would probably just sleep outside. Anyway, I have been delighted with the coming of fall and the crisper air it brings.

After a long day at my desk yesterday, I realized I hadn’t been outside yet and it was almost 5pm. I grabbed my camera and started walking (I can only go around the block these days but it was wonderful!) The air was cool, the magic hour light was dreamy, and the dahlias are still blooming. It was literally, like a 10 minute walk, but it changed my day. It was a gift.

One of the things I remember learning when I became a new mom was that I wasn’t going to have big sprawls of time anymore to indulge in my creative life. It would have to be in little bursts, an hour here, 45 minutes there. And I learned that that was often enough.

Don’t wait until you can paint all day. Don’t wait til you have time for a long hike. Don’t wait until the perfect moment. Just get outside, even for five minutes. Even right outside your door, right in your neighborhood that on the surface looks very ordinary and unexciting. Bring your camera (or your most awake eyes) and find what magic there is to find. It made all the difference yesterday.

Batman Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

Batman Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

Ben is ready for action.