The view from my godparent’s house, SF
For the first time in over a decade, I was not with my family on Thanksgiving day. Instead, I was walking in San Francisco for hours in the crisp fall sunshine, up and over hills with a dear friend I have known forever. Brigette and I acted like tourists, wandering along the Embarcadero, pit-stopping to use the bathroom at fancy hotels, taking selfies at the wharf. She would be embarrassed for me to tell you that we even stopped for lunch at Pier 39, right smack in the middle of the crazy hubbub of tourist attractions. I loved every minute of it – the creamy caesar salad we shared, the buskers painted silver pretending they were statues, the families speaking every possible language around us.
As we walked through North Beach and over Nob hill we found a secret door. It led to an even more secret staircase and we wondered aloud what it would be like to live in the tree house apartments that lined the steep metal stairs just beyond it. We imagined that the door was a portal, like a threshold to a new world. We imagined that there were two-headed dogs that we had to fight our way past + that on the other side of that door life would never be the same.
We eventually made our way to my very first apartment in San Francisco on Taylor Street. The one I found in 1997 – the year I started working with SARK and met Brigette. I told her the story of the channeler in Santa Barbara who taught me my first lesson in manifesting. A magical time in my life. (Audio coming for that story)
Our last stop was Grace Cathedral where there is a gorgeous labyrinth. As I looped round and round the maze, I kept noticing an apartment building across the street. It occurred to me that my godparents lived in that building for 20 years – just a half block from my very first apartment on Taylor Street. Although I would only meet them years after I had moved, it seems we were destined to know each other. They were always close by. They were always in my orbit.
As I walked to their house near Union Square for Thanksgiving dinner, I saw something so clearly – that there is an invisible web of goodness. That there is a way that the Universe is conspiring on our behalf, that there are a million invisible threads that we can’t see but are there just the same. Sometimes, only years later do we see how everything connects, how it was all going to work out, how our lives are somehow always nudging us toward healing + wholeness.
I know this all sounds a little, something. It’s hard to find the right words.
But as I walked, I gathered up a kind of faith. Even though things are falling apart right now, I know that that web of goodness is there. I know in my bones that there is an invisible net weaving its way through my life, sending me just the right people + experiences. Loving me from afar.
There are moments when I feel like I can see it. Or at least feel its there. Maybe especially in the midst of things falling apart do I feel its presence. I feel more gratitude these days than usual. And not because of the holidays, but because I am awake to the love around me.
This is new.
And it’s possible there is nothing better.
11 Comments
I’ve seen a few of your statuses lately, & I can sense the struggle & upset. As we head in to the holidays, which are difficult for many people including me, I hope that the struggle eases and you find peace with whatever is going on.
Blessings to you.
I lived in SFO northbay area for several years after my former hubs moved me out there and away from my family/hometown in the midwest.
There is truly something magical about the SFO bay area…pulsing with life, culture, and infused by the ions from the ocean breezes. Maybe it’s the briney air, but it does awaken my senses…Blessings to you, breathe the cleansing air, and enjoy…Life is your oyster after all…Hugs! ♥
Grace and peace to you, Andrea, as you walk through this difficult time.
Beautiful. Sending love & light your way …
One of my therapy clients (I work with kids and teens in crisis and their families) recently told me her operating principle is, “Sometimes when things seem like they’re falling apart, they’re really falling into place”. I hope that’s true for you. Whether or not it is, I’ll give you one of my favorite lines from Alice Walker’s work: “Hard times require furious dancing. Each of us is the proof…though we have encountered our share of grief and troubles on this earth, we can still hold the line of beauty, form, and beat. No small accomplishment in a world as challenging as this one.” Love to you.
Yes! I know exactly what you mean, Andrea. The web is there, and I can always connect the dots after the fact. (I kinda love that part, the awe of it).
PS.. I love acting like a tourist in my big NYC from time to time. It’s good for the soul.
Hope this magical trip was good for you. xo
Sending you much love and many hugs, sweet friend.
this is truly a beautiful post. you write in a way that makes your thoughts real – as I read I can feel the goodness and my faith is strengthened. Thank you.
I have been reading lots of Brene Brown lately, in the middle of Daring Greatly. She mentioned you as a inspiration which is what led me to your blog and these words were exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you!!!!!
Andrea,
I just read this in a Shambala Sun article:
“When our confidence is obscured, engaging in life is a process of hope and fear. If we can release ourselves from this claustrophobic trap, we have vision. We become fearless warriors who see where they are going….This is windhorse-inherent trust in the fundamental goodness of what’s happening.”
When I read this I got clarity on how little trust I have that the universe is helping me. But I would like to cultivate awareness and trust, instead of struggling like I am completely alone.
Thank you for what you shared today!
Beautiful words, Andrea. And oh so true. Sending you love and light and invisible threads of support.
hugs,
jane