Hey creative friends,

I’ve always wanted to do a #100dayproject and yesterday (very spontaneously) I decided to dive in! Going to be writing 100 notes to myself over the coming months and posting them on Instagram. Anyone else want to take on a #the100dayproject with me? ❤️ Or you can simply follow along with me.

Here is today’s:

I had a hard parenting day recently and felt wracked with guilt, or maybe shame, for not getting it right. For being reactive. For not knowing how to navigate my way. When I asked myself what my heart needed to hear, it was this. It’s okay I didn’t say all the right things. It’s okay I didn’t do it perfectly. And what would the perfect thing have been anyway? This one’s for those of us who could use a little self-compassion today. ❤️ #the100dayproject

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” This was one of our writing prompts this week in Mexico – a line from a poem by Jack Gilbert. I’ve always loved that line. So much permission in it – and really, it’s the only way that anything creative ever gets accomplished. That willingness is required – the willingness to make a mess, to not have it turn out as planned (or at all) the willingness to be a beginner, to be in a process, to not do it as well as the experts (or whoever else we’re comparing ourselves to)

We made paper flowers in San Miguel. Laurie and I thought it would be fun to bring an artisan in to teach us, do something with our hands, play with color. I sent a photo of the flowers I had photographed and fallen in love with on our last trip. “Can you teach us to make these?” I asked naively. How did I know how difficult they would be to make? They looked so effortless in the store.

We ooohhed and ahhhhed at the colored crepe paper and tried to follow along as our darling teacher showed us how to pinch and fold the edges of the brightly colored strips. Oh, and the lesson was in spanish. “Dammit, I can’t do this. Mine isn’t working. Wait, what’s going on? I can’t see. Will you help me? I suck at this. I had it, now I keep losing it. Why is this so hard?”

We were all frustrated. I felt a mini-rage inside me, my inner 5 year old was mad. “I CAN”T DO THIS!!” she wanted to shout. I breathed deeply, didn’t scream and marveled at how seriously I was taking all of it. April wrapped a hot pink swath of crepe paper around her neck. “Soy flor,” she smiled. And suddenly I laughed out loud. I got it. The silliness of it, the ridiculousness of the tantrum I was keeping at bay. I doubled over in laughter.

“This is so fucking hard!!” Laurie shouted.

Our flowers were all different. They were misshapen and wonky, Seussian and off-kilter. Puffy in all the wrong places. A flower only a mother could love! someone said. “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly!” We all said in tandem.

The last night of the retreat we had a slideshow, a time for all of our participants to share a few images they were proud of and tell a few stories in front of the group. We bought a projector off of Amazon and we were excited to try it out. But guess what? Yep. The slideshow was a disaster too!

We couldn’t get the images to load quickly enough, or even show up in their entirety. The resolution was terrible, the saturation of the color (so important for photos in San Miguel) was abysmal. People weren’t particularly frustrated until it was their turn and they realized the setup didn’t do their images justice. “It’s better on my phone!” each person cried.

And then that feeling came over me again, how funny this whole scene was, how we tried something, some new technology, and the wifi was too weak, the resolution was terrible, and we had to futz with the projector over and over again. “Oh my god,” I giggled to the crowd, “this is the worst slideshow in the history of slideshows!”

And you know what? If the flowers had gone all Martha Stewart and the slideshow had gone off without a hitch, I wouldn’t be telling you any of this. It wouldn’t even be a story. I wouldn’t remember it.

We are flying home now to SFO and each time Laurie lifts her carry-on, I see the flower she made peeking out of her bag. It’s gigantic and pink, gloriously misshapen. And it fills me with a very particular joy – something about trying new things, of knowing life is messy, of appreciating the calamity of it all. So much more beautiful somehow for it’s imperfection.

This is Brave Blogging my loves. Sometimes we do it well, and other times not so much! We will practice together. 6 weeks of creative prompts and lessons on how to get your blog (and your authentic voice) out in the world.

More details here!

Class begins Monday, March 25th (tomorrow!) LAST DAY to get the special price.

P.S. To get the early bird price, register today! Just enter the coupon code – BRAVEBLOGGER19
The regular course price is $147, but you will get it for $99

My heart has been going through a transformation lately. It’s been years in the making, but I heard somewhere that transformation actually happens in a moment. And that’s what happened recently – a moment when my heart opened.

I can’t tell you the entire story just yet, but let’s just say it has to do with someone I met, who I took a shine to, and then have been going through that dance of vulnerability with – are they interested? are they going to disappoint me? Someone in my Superhero School class said it best – We vacillate between feeling better than and not good enough, both which leave us feeling separate.

And I saw this mechanism so plainly that night. It was operating in the background, probably how it always had, but this time I caught it – I saw how I go to judgment and aversion to protect my heart. Let me explain:

It was a very Bay Area situation – a 3rd date at a tantra workshop where we drank kava and sipped raw cacao, fed maca balls to a partner who was blindfolded. You know, the usual third date stuff! ? When I arrived, I was nervous. A tantra workshop? Elixirs? Squishy mats on the floor? What was I thinking?

I nervously took off my shoes and placed them in the entryway with all the others. I headed straight for the restroom, mostly to give myself something to do while I waited for my date. These aren’t my people, I thought.  It’s too woo woo around here, I don’t belong here…

But I played along when the workshop began and put my hand on my heart as instructed. I sipped my raw cacao (delicious!) and meditated. “Tune into your heart chakra,” they instructed. ”Allow yourself to open.” As I did this, something surprising came into view- I saw how all of the resistance I was experiencing, all of the judgments I had arrived with, the aversion I had for “not my people” was how I protected my heart. None of it was true in any authentic way. It was just a stream of habitual thoughts designed to keep me safe, and at a distance. Tears burned in my eyes as I saw one of the ways I’ve pushed love away.

But here’s the magic part. In that moment of seeing the machinery at work, it dissolved. And at that very moment, the instructor said, “Now open your eyes and take in your partner with that open heart.” I looked at this man in front of me and was astounded by his beauty. I almost couldn’t take it in. This beautiful being. He looked different than he had just moments before.

It’s amazing how rare these moments are – seeing the world through a lens that is undefended and open-hearted, with eyes of love.

It costs something – vulnerability, openness. But it also gives you something back – the possibility of deeper connection with yourself, the moment, and others.

I want to be intimate with the world. I don’t want to live life at a distance anymore. I don’t want to be protected and defended forever, only letting in little bits of love. I want to grow my capacity, make more space, be brave with my heart, keep opening up.

While I was in Mexico this week, I started to worry about Superhero School. Ack! I thought. I haven’t announced it enough, I’ve been terrible about sending newsletters, my launch hasn’t been very launchy, has it? Ugh. But I couldn’t tell what was blocking me. On the airplane home I realized – it wasn’t feeling fun and easy.

Fun and easy is my personal GPS. It’s what signals to me that something is a full yes, that I’m totally aligned with the energy of the offering and that my heart is in it. I know this.

I’ve learned it over and over again- that when I follow my delight, I always end up right where I need to go.

So where was my delight? How could I conjure it? What was all the anxiety about?

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had my yearly session with a medium named Lynn Austin. “One of your guides is here,” she said suddenly. “He passed away a couple of years ago, he adores you…” and then she said his name, but I already knew who it was.

Later in the reading, I asked. “What’s in my blind spot? What should I be aware of that I’m not aware of?” My guide answered immediately, “You are only blind to how big and beautiful you are Andrea. You need to upgrade the way you see yourself. You need to trust in your big, beautiful energy. You are being held on your journey in this body.”

We forget, right? We forget how precious we are, how powerful. Maybe I’m not the only one who could use a little upgrade. Especially when we are embarking on something new, we are flooded with thoughts like – Am I good enough? Do I belong? Do I have anything to say? Does my work matter? Am I worthy?

These concerns are pretty universal… AND... they get in the way of us turning on the faucet and being brave with our lives. This is one of the topics I’m looking forward to exploring with you in Superhero School.

And so, when I asked myself – How can I make this fun and easy? The answer was clear:
I thought of you.
I thought of us.
In a virtual circle sharing our stories and our dreams.
I thought of recording audio and video for you each week, being a voice for authenticity and aliveness and joy.
I thought of us on Zoom video calls in an intimate group, seeing each other’s faces and forming a safe and brave circle for sharing.

This is medicine for me this year. Sinking into the simplest essence of what I’m best at – presence. This is what I am offering you above all – my heart and my attention so that you can shine a little brighter in your life. So that you feel braver, so that you have more access to your authentic self, so you can drop the mask and just be you.

No heavy lifting here.
No big time commitments.
A sustaining drip of inspiration and connection that will help you right your ship this year – pointing you toward well-being and joy.

Lots more info here if your intuition is whispering yes!

This 4-month course begins February 4th, 2019. Each month we will explore a different superpower – courage, creativity, intuition, connection.

Actually, even when I’m not feeling lost, I call in the healers! Intuitive coaching has been a huge part of my support system since my early 20’s. Something about the big picture perspective that astrology and other spiritual modalities offer, gives me a whole lot of faith when I’m not sure of where I’m going.

Sometimes I just need the affirmation that everything is unfolding as it should (that I’m not doing something terribly wrong, ha!)  that the choices I’m making are aligned with my heart + spirit. Enter some of the most incredible people to light your way! (They are all able to work with you by phone)

Virginia Bell, Astrology
I have a session scheduled for October with Virginia and I am so excited. I’ve been hearing about her for years through our mutual friend SARK and I just interviewed Virginia for my podcast. Virginia is the real deal. Wise, loving, intuitive. If you’ve been meaning to get your chart done, I highly recommend her.

Nancy de Heer, Intuitive Business Readings
The way these readings work is that Nancy records her voice as she looks at you + your business. Then she sends you the hour-long recording to listen to. Wow. Just wow. Her insights were a huge gift. A lot of it was very humbling… it was like she could see the private shadow stuff I go through each day and was able to name how these things were getting in the way of my joy + prosperity. All of it was filled with lots of love and compassion. I felt a huge energy shift in my work after this reading.
(p.s. Nancy is offering Superhero readers 10% off)

Juna Mustad, Intuitive coach + clairvoyant
Juna is beyond gifted. She is a brilliant coach + also has amazing intuitive gifts. Her wisdom has been life-changing for me. She is especially good at getting to those deeper layers… She always manages to take me to the most core places with so much grace. I’ve had massive healing experiences in her hands.

Laurel Bleadon-Maffei, Angel readings
Laurel channels a tribe of angels on your behalf + works with your guides. The whole experience is love-filled and oozing with wisdom. I get angel readings from Laurel every couple of months + they have guided my heart + spirit in miraculous ways. (Discounted sessions available by mentioning this post! Just $100 for a session)

Lynn Austin, Psychic medium
Lynn pretty much blows my mind every time. I’ve had many sessions with her over the years + she is ALWAYS right. It’s freaky. She channels loved ones that have passed (often knows their names) and delivers powerful messages that bring me to tears. Her readings are magical.