You get to have this.

Oh my goodness friends, I’m moving. (I’ve been looking for almost a year in this crazy Bay Area housing market)

It feels like a miracle of endurance and faith and letting go.

It’s not fancy. In fact, it’s modest and the kitchen is tiny and the roof is pitched and the walls curve at funny angles. But I love it. Outside every window, all you see is trees… it has a big deck and two bedrooms with plushy carpet throughout. It’s cozy and feminine and feels like a treehouse. It has good mommy energy – like the redwoods surrounding it – feminine and powerful.

I feel safe there.

And the best part? There is another single mama who lives downstairs. Her girls are the same age as the boys. It’s the mommune I’ve always dreamed about! We have autonomy with our own apartment, but with another family living downstairs. We can share meals and play and look after one another. Plus, they have cats! Adorable cats!

When I did a walk-through with the mama from downstairs, my eyes pooled with tears, “Do I get to have this?” She beamed, “Andrea, you get to have this. What else do you want?”

And that made me think of you and us women in particular, and how our wants tend to go offline, how they get set aside in favor of other peoples’ wants. And we do this because we are kind and because we want to do right by our people and because we want everyone to like us and because we are afraid.

And after a while this becomes a habit… and we can’t even ask ourselves what we want without all the noise rushing in – what other people want, what we think we deserve, what’s practical, what we think we can get. It gets all muddled in there and you can’t tell what’s what anymore! or if you are worthy of any of it.

Is there something you want? A tiny thing? A big thing?

Close your eyes and imagine whispering it in my ear right now. “I want… (fill in the blank).”
Then imagine me looking into your eyes and saying, “You get to have that. What else do you want?”

Heart full of gratitude,

P.S. Brave Blogging is going swimmingly! It is such a good class.
If you’ve been wanting to write more, please join us! It’s not too late.


  1. Susan Halla
    Posted September 14, 2016 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

    Even the word “Mommune” is a happy word!

    So excited for you, Andrea. The tears were how you knew it was real. Enjoy – you deserve it.

  2. Posted September 14, 2016 at 5:40 pm | Permalink

    Yes! Love it. Thanks for the lovely story and the lovely reminder.

  3. Posted September 14, 2016 at 6:00 pm | Permalink

    This is marvelous. Tears in my eyes reading. Congratulations – xoxo

  4. Norita
    Posted September 14, 2016 at 6:16 pm | Permalink

    yaaaay, magical Mommas
    sounds delightful in every way. So happy for you, getting YOUR wants/needs met.
    And happy for ALL of you in your new Mommunity digs :o)

  5. Posted September 14, 2016 at 6:22 pm | Permalink

    YES! I just got into a place of my own after over a year of looking and hoping and … it feels like the beginning of good things.

    So glad you found a safe place to land!

  6. Posted September 14, 2016 at 6:28 pm | Permalink

    You are such a beautiful human being Andrea. I want to get to hang out with you in person some time soon. And I know when the time is right we will. You deserve every little bit of that safe cozy home surrounded by redwoods. So thrilled for you.

  7. Barbara
    Posted September 14, 2016 at 6:43 pm | Permalink

    YES to what they said. This sounds like the best! I’m tearing up thinking about you in this perfect fit for now in your life. Good luck. Be strong. Be bold. Be brave.

  8. gizella
    Posted September 14, 2016 at 6:59 pm | Permalink

    wonderful news! you deserve this, we all deserve to ask for what we want and get it. Thank you for keeping us updated!!

  9. Posted September 14, 2016 at 7:25 pm | Permalink

    Andrea! I’m celebrate with you, sweet one!! Beautiful news.

  10. hippittee
    Posted September 14, 2016 at 7:38 pm | Permalink

    “One of the greatest feelings in life is the conviction that you have lived the life you wanted to live-with the rough and the smooth, the good and the bad-but yours, shaped by your own choices, and not someone else’s.” (Unknown)

    congrats on finding your new home – i hope it’s all you desire…and a bit more.

  11. Karen
    Posted September 14, 2016 at 7:54 pm | Permalink

    Super news Andrea! It was meant to be!

  12. Tiffanie
    Posted September 15, 2016 at 2:14 am | Permalink

    Tears. Tears to all of it. Yay for you!!! And: thank you.

  13. Kathleen
    Posted September 15, 2016 at 5:18 am | Permalink

    Some day would you be my friend ? I asked this to everyone I felt I liked and I felt was kind- my first week in kindergarten — your posts are read by many of us just when we need them-and besides wanting a room with a big fluffy comforter and sheets that smell like pie and a window that opens up to the sandy beach and the ocean -I would like you as a friend -or someone like you -I know it sounds silly -but I think you and your spirit are refreshing beautiful and real-thanks for this

  14. Posted September 15, 2016 at 8:00 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations Andrea!! I’m so happy for you and your new Mommune!! xoh

  15. Christa
    Posted September 30, 2016 at 3:34 am | Permalink

    How did you know? I’m reeling between life choices. My counselor told me that it’s hard to know what’s effective for me and what choices to make if I don’t know what I want. So I’ve been thinking for two days about this, and you’ve put into words so well what that feels like. I don’t even have kids, and I still am filling myself up with what others want. Because that was how I learned to get approval and safety and love: learn what they want and give it to them.

    Maybe, with your beautiful and true words, I can start really thinking about this. What do I want?

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